Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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