Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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