wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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