So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
