i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
