Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
