We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
