we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize