the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
