That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
