Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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