my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
