if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
