im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
