Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize