You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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