Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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