I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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