Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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