Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
