Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
