I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize