i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
