A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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