sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize