Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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