Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
