the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
