That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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