I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
