Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
