he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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