I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
