I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
