Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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