If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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