last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize