the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
