I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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