I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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