this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
