"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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