I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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