He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
