Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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