My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
