yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
