I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
