Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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