RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
