Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
