Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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