I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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