hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
