Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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