Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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