I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
