Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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