Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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