Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
