I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think my fart just growled at me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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