Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
