Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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