your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Life is so much better after having sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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