i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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