is your mom at the bar?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
