the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
