i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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