this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
