NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
